Years ago, a young middle schooler named Franco went to a party with two of his best friends, Mario and Bolillo. It was not exactly a party, but rather a triple date scenario. There were only six people—Mario, Bolillo, both of their girlfriends, Franco, and another girl from school—who was far from pretty. Franco’s friends didn’t want to make him feel left out, and I assume it was the same for the girl. Soon, Mario’s girlfriend took him to her room. Franco also wanted to go, until he realized showing him the room was just an excuse to you-know-what. Bolillo and the girl ended up in the bathroom soon. Now, Franco was alone with the girl. He was not attracted to her as per se, but he was a young boy who didn’t think he had it in him to impress a woman, so he would take whatever choice he got. So Franco ended up making out with the girl. It went for a staggering eighteen and a half minutes—only because Franco didn’t know how to take things to fourth base from the first. Because the movies hadn’t taught him yet. So that was it.
When Mario and Bolillo were talking about the number of sexual pleasures, Franco didn’t know what they were talking about. Anyway, Franco was happy that he got a girlfriend, at least. His father couldn’t believe it, but upon knowing the girl was not quite “pretty,” he was convinced. But the very next day, Franco was shocked to see his “girlfriend” rejecting him and laughing at the idea of being with him. A few days later, there was this hygiene camp in school. And it turned out that someone had lice. That someone turned out to be that girl who rejected Franco. People started bullying her, and Franco thought it would be good if he tried again now that she had no friends anymore. So he tried again, but got rejected again. The girl was very polite this time, and she explained they only kissed each other because there wasn’t anyone else. Franco’s self-esteem took a nosedive, especially considering this girl was not pretty—in fact, quite the opposite.
Many years later, Franco Escamilla tells this story in his Netflix comedy special, titled Ladies Man. He makes a dramatic entry where several women are trying to get a piece of him, and the man has to dodge all of them. He introduces himself as a ladies man, but is now happily married to his wife Gabi. His first act happens to be a magic trick to impress women, for which he invites an audience member to volunteer. This random guy, Jose, steps in. But the card trick fails, and Franco puts the blame on Jose. It is all part of the act, of course, except Jose, and also a demonstration of why Franco is a comedian instead of a magician. Once he establishes Jose as this “trick-ruiner,” Franco moves on to his middle school story. The thing here is that Ladies Man is more of a memoir than stand-up. Escamilla doesn’t really tell jokes. He basically tells his life story—well, mostly about his trysts with the female kind. I’m not sure how much of what he says on stage is true or not, but it is fascinating to hear anyway. And Escamilla might not tell you jokes, but his stories are ironically funny, so the audience keeps laughing anyway.
Coming back to Franco’s story, once he got rejected by the lice girl (they called her Lousy), he decided to not try his luck out with any woman ever again. Well, that was until he met Karina, when he was in eighth grade. Karina, according to Franco, was really pretty and used to date a boy named Carlos Alberto. Franco and Carlos were both in music class, where Franco got really good with the guitar. He didn’t like Carlos, but for Karina, he kept hanging out with him. After what happened with Lousy (I’m not trying to demean, by the way, just going by what Franco called her), this was like shooting for a star. Franco first thought it would be best if he spoke less, because words often ruin things. So he played the silent type. But when Karina said she would cheer for Franco if he took part in the school music contest, he slipped into plan B, which was being a rockstar (to impress her, of course).
Franco participated in the contest, braving a not-so-welcoming audience only for Karina, and he performed better than anyone. Now that everyone was impressed, he thought he could have anyone and didn’t care for Karina anymore—a behavior that adult Franco criticizes on stage. Unfortunately for him, there was this other girl, Twangy (that’s what she used to be called), with a real nasal voice but with a sensational singing talent. Even after having a meltdown midway, Twangy won. Franco lost the contest and his chances with Karina. As fate would have it, he met Karina in high school again, and she told him about the crush she had on him during middle school. Franco couldn’t believe it and told her all about how he used to be into her as well, but that’s about it. He didn’t try his luck with Karina, who was in the afternoon class, while Franco was in the morning. Years later, when he told Gabi about it, his wife explained how he ruined his chances with Karina in high school. It is quite hilarious, to say the least, especially the way Franco presents the story. But it’s also kind of sad.
I have to admit that Franco Escamilla: Ladies Man was not working for me initially. I was looking for laughter. But as time went by, I realized how invested I was in his story. In fact, I even wished this was a coming-of-age movie instead of stand-up (there can still be one if Franco sells the rights to Netflix). I really didn’t find any issue with this one, to be honest. In the words of Baron Zemo, this was truly a masterpiece—complete and comprehensive.
