From the country that gave us “masterpieces” like “365 Days” and its sequels (whose names I can’t be bothered to remember), we have a PG rom-com series (as Netflix likes to do) under the title “Squared Love.” Why this name, you ask? Well, we haven’t understood after having seen two of these films either. The story is about as good as a “Netflix romance” can be expected to be, proven to us time and time again. A love triangle that is seemingly unnecessary has fake villains, and barely any screen time with the two leads together makes this film drab and boring. While the first part had the potential to be a cute, maybe one-time watch, the second part is just too inconsistent. Let’s pretend a lot of women dream of living a double life like Hannah Montana, but realistically speaking, it’s actually impossible to believe the vague idea that wearing lenses and a wig is enough to make you look like an entirely different person, especially to the guy who’s “madly in love” with you.
Leaving that aside, at least there was a decent amount of conflict in the first part, where the protagonist falls head over heels for both sides of the coin. In the second part, our beloved teacher embarks on a journey to showcase her ‘real self’ to the world after the scandal broke out at the end of the first film. The only difference in her appearance was no glasses and some jewels around her eyes to make her look “glammed up.” Oh, what a transformation! Our leading man, on the other hand, is jobless because he “cheated” on his ex-girlfriend and boss, even though they were in an “open relationship,” and so all he can do all day is worry about his girlfriend cheating on him. That’s a stretch coming from a playboy. I’m also not sure if it’s a case of bad translation or just the wrong choice of words, but she keeps talking about her “butt” being on all the billboards in the country, but ALL THE IMAGES WERE HER FRONT! Please, someone, make it make sense. Even the love triangle with no chemistry could not save this story.
To break down the plot, the movie tells the story of a brilliant schoolteacher turned model who loves her children and a famous automobile journalist (it’s giving Richard Hammond wannabe vibes). They are returning from a passionate romantic vacation to their old jobs after the teacher was scandalously exposed to the country on national television. How will they deal with their new obstacles now that they’re moving out of the honeymoon period? To tell you the truth, on paper, this really doesn’t sound that bad, but even a seasoned romantic would write this off in about fifteen minutes. But suppose you do end up reaching the final act; it’s going to leave you more confused than feeling the butterflies. Props to the principal for singing that song for some entertainment, though.
A single parent, a useless second lead, an imaginative niece, a bunch of children, add in all the tropes, and you have the screenplay of “Squared Love All Over Again.” Also, Monika’s “savior complex” is a terrible plot device that doesn’t help at all! In fact, it makes her look terribly insincere. To market this film as a romantic comedy is an unfortunate oversight because one could say they’ve seen more comedy in a melodrama, and more romance too. On a scale of one to ten, the romance in this film is at -25. At the least, Monika and Enzo could’ve shared the screen for more than 15 minutes (yes, this is an exaggeration, but is it?). The cast does the best they can with this plot line to really power through with their roles, but there’s only so much you can do to save a sinking boat. We need a word about Netflix; this was not what we needed one day before the day of love!
In a world where opposites attract, a well-mannered, down-to-earth teacher falling in love with a narcissistic playboy is textbook for a cheesy romantic comedy that could make one feel more lonely or more in love depending on their position at the time. Making a sequel to that could’ve been a great chance to explore their differences and how they converse to overcome their fated obstacles. The best part is that we don’t even get a conversation between the leading couple about their problems. All he says is that he’s jealous.
So as not to sound appalling, a few positive points of this film are Monika and Enzo’s clothes, the luxury cars, and the Polish song with lyrics about wanting “to be me.” We can ignore the fact that the principal sings this song seemingly out of nowhere? To say this was a bad film may sound like an understatement at this point, but we would suggest not wasting any time on this one. If you still want to dabble in this world of bewilderment, let us know what you think about it. If you’re looking for something lighthearted to watch this Valentine’s, we would highly disapprove of this one.
On the love-o meter, “Squared Love All Over Again” would get ½ out of 5 hearts.