I found myself at a loss for words after watching director Ethan Hegel’s Purgatory Station. At least I had to suffer through this thing for work, and I will be paid for writing this article, but I can’t even imagine what a few of y’all who were unfortunate enough to have watched this in the wild must be going through. I do have a penchant for bad movies as long as they’re unintentionally funny. But Purgatory Station is nothing short of a frontal assault on your senses. It has a lead character so annoying that you wouldn’t be bothered by all the terrible things happening to him. On top of that, the actor who’s playing him has done quite a terrible job. Everything else, from the supporting characters to the story to the execution, is atrocious. I don’t see any point in discussing this movie, but I do owe you an explanation, so here you go.
Spoilers Ahead
What Happens In The Movie?
In an opening that smacks of Buried (yeah, the greatest Ryan Reynolds movie where he found himself unfortunately stuck inside a coffin for the entire runtime), corporate lawyer Joe Fortune finds himself inside a container truck. Well, we do see him getting kidnapped here. Also, he does have a laptop, an internet connection, food, and a plastic bottle for urinating in, which puts him in a much better position than Reynolds’ character in that movie. Jeez, the kidnapper has even installed an AC inside the container. He soon video calls Joe, wearing a mask, and makes his demands clear. Joe has to sabotage a business deal and stop this company called Looten Corporation. What have they done? Well, it’s pretty standard evil—polluting the environment, threatening farmers into selling their land so that they can set up shop in Farrow County. The kidnapper, who calls himself the Judge, wants Joe to keep the deal from going through. If Joe doesn’t comply, he will suffer the consequences. Even a five-year-old would know the meaning of that—Joe’s loved ones are gonna get killed.
What Does Joe Do?
See, what the Judge is asking for is not even a bad thing. What Looten Corp is doing is actually bad, and stopping them is actually going to help loads of people. Joe also gets the chance to do something good for once—the movie doesn’t take long to reveal that he used to be a criminal lawyer who helped a lot of terrible people, including murderers, molesters, and even pedophiles, walk free. But given he is an egotistical douchebag, he obviously decides to handle the situation in the worst possible manner. He calls his best friend Freddie and asks him to put a certain Detective Luther on the case—pretty sure the director is a fan of the Idris Alba show, he has even cast a Black guy in the role and everyone seems to have the hots for him. Joe also tries to contact the fire department and asks them to contact the police, which doesn’t work out in his favor. Even though Joe tries to argue over the technicality that the judge only ordered him not to contact the police but there wasn’t any restriction regarding the fire department, the kidnapper punishes him by burning his brother Tony alive. This is clearly a sign that the Judge means business. But Joe still remains the same idiot. Freddie and Luther also appear to be smug enough to handle the situation. Even Joe’s wife Nicky seems to be on her husband’s side over the matter.
Who is the judge?
He is a real judge, actually, one Horatio Grimes, who got suspended because he tried to tame Looten. Judge Grimes has his own agenda, though, as he is actually trying to sell solar power. Although if you think about it, that’s a better option than choosing something like Looten. Joe does try to argue over how solar energy also needs batteries, the raw materials for which, in fact, come from third-world African countries, but that doesn’t lead anywhere. Thanks to the lawyer being persistent in getting out of the situation without giving in to the demands of the judge, we get to see a very frustrating cat-and-mouse game. One moment Freddie and Luther are killing random goons to save Joe’s mother, and then the next moment Nikkie and her friend Linda get attacked by some other goons hired by the Judge. The movie’s funniest scene takes place here, when Luther arrives right on time, kills the goon to save Linda, and the lady is instantly smitten by him—almost like how it usually goes in deodorant commercials.
It ultimately comes down to Judge Grimes and Joe doing a deal. Joe is going to do what the judge wants, but Grimes also has to pay him three million dollars. Now that Joe knows who he is, he can out the judge to the world, which might become a problem. I will not be going into the amount of stupidity in the whole plot, but while the judge seems to stick with the promise, Joe, like always, has something else in mind.
Does Joe get out of the situation alive?
You know things are not going to end well for Joe the moment he decides to double-cross Grimes by calling the FBI. He is a know-it-all idiot for sure, but shouldn’t the director have at least given some thought to a simple fact—that Grimes can actually see everything that Joe is doing inside the container and plan accordingly? Anyway, logic is not a strong suit of Purgatory Station, so let us not go there. The movie’s most satisfying moment is perhaps when Freddie and Luther find the container, open the door while Joe can’t wait to get out of it—only to realize Grimes has tricked them. This plot twist is also copied from Buried, as during Purgatory Station’s ending, the rescuers opened another coffin while the location of the actual coffin remained untraced. Coming back to the movie we’re talking about, Freddie and Luthor are expectedly killed by Grimes’ men. So are Nicky, Linda, Linda’s daughter Lilly, and Joe’s mother. Grimes doesn’t show any mercy; he is no saint either, after all. Joe doesn’t die, but he has lost everything that mattered, and now he has no business in the world but to wait for death. Maybe that’s why this movie is titled Purgatory Station.
