‘All The Men I Met But Never Dated’ Review: Queer Short Film Challenges The Concept Of “The Closet”

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It’s true that queer representation in cinema has come a long way from what it used to be, and society has evolved enough to make way for important and timely conversations on the LGBTQ+ community. Now, if you take a look at the highest-rated queer movies of all time, you’ll come across titles like BPM, Moonlight, God’s Own Country, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Shiva Baby, The Half of It, The Handmaiden, Dog Day Afternoon, Love Lies Bleeding, The Power of the Dog, Carol, and more. Upon closer examination, you’ll realize that a lot of these films are very White or they are centered around stories set in first-world countries because they are either more marketable and more accessible than queer tales from the disenfranchised sections of society. This phenomenon is not only hindering the queer discourse but also preventing the queer cinema of third-world countries from progressing. I mean, we’re in the 2020s, and South Asians are finally getting stories like Joyland and Neela Nira Sooriyan. And All the Men I Met but Never Dated is here to look at queerness and “the closet” from an interesting South Asian perspective.

Muneeb Hassan’s All the Men I Met but Never Dated, written by Hassan and David Stokes, tells the story of Ali, who falls in love with a guy named Oliver at the gym. They begin seeing each other now and then, and even though it’s clear that there’s chemistry between them, they cannot seem to officially become a couple. On top of that, despite being a man who is clearly in his 40s, Ali seems to be afraid of what his mother is going to think if she even sees him talking to Oliver on the phone at night. However, since Ali’s conservative background doesn’t stop him from going on dates with Oliver, the latter seems to be getting confused about what Ali exactly wants from their relationship. Ali comes over for a house party at Oliver’s humble abode but refuses to dance with him because he is busy listening to the voice notes from his helicopter mom. When Oliver tries to go for a kiss, Ali shies away from that too. That’s when Oliver finally decides to bring the honeymoon phase of their “situationship” to an end and have a serious talk about what’s up with Ali. And as Ali explains his stance, Oliver gets an idea of the kind of man he has fallen in love with.

All the Men I Met but Never Dated hinges on the argument that while the entire queer community considers “the closet” a prison that they have to break out of, for a Muslim man like Ali, “the closet” is actually something comforting. Like every other religion with shades of conservatism, Ali’s background apparently doesn’t allow him to be in a gay relationship. On top of that, Ali is not entirely sure if his family will be accepting of his sexual preferences. But Ali doesn’t want to test the boundaries of his relationship with his family because if they disown him, he won’t be able to live with himself. The thought of his family feeling any kind of heartbreak because of Ali’s true self is seemingly unacceptable to him. This is a cultural shock for Oliver because he comes from a world where it’s pretty normal to break all ties with one’s religion and family if they come in the way of their right to live freely. And even though Oliver is open to understanding Ali’s stance, for some inexplicable reason, Ali is unwilling to give him the time to level with him. So, yes, Ali and Oliver’s little love story is not complicated; it’s pretty complex as well, and hence it’s quite difficult to unpack properly.

A gay man saying that “the closet” is a place of comfort rather than a prison can be triggering for many queer people who have fought for years and are still fighting to ensure that being openly queer is the norm and not the exception. I mean, as far as I know, I’m not gay, and that statement from Ali was triggering for me. But being a South Asian guy, I also understand where Ali’s feelings about “the closet” are coming from. South Asians, from a very early age, are taught to be incredibly dependent on their family, even if it comes at the cost of their individuality. And while there are many brown folks who decide to exit the system, others choose to stay in it in the hopes that the system will become more accepting. Even if it doesn’t, they’re okay with it because family is more important to them than who they are getting to date. The duration of All the Men I Met but Never Dated doesn’t exactly allow for an in-depth conversation on how various cultures view the concept of “the closet,” but like a lot of short films, it’s substantial enough to start a discourse around a topic that had seemingly reached its conclusion.

From a purely filmmaking perspective, All the Men I Met but Never Dated is pretty limited. Ali and Oliver’s meet-cute and dates look like an advertisement for a dating app. And the conversation itself is lit and blocked in the most basic way possible. I guess that is the case because Muneeb is a little afraid of how this topic is going to be received by the viewers of the short film. That’s why he wants to make sure that the audience’s focus is on the words that are coming out of the mouths of actors and they aren’t distracted by the cinematography, editing, production design, costume design, hair and make-up design, and score. I mean, you can say that the rigidity of the visual storytelling as well as the awkwardness of Ahmed Rakan Shihab Eldin and Jared P. Smith kind of adds to the charm of the short film and underscores its themes. But, personally speaking only, I would’ve preferred it if the filmmaking had some style to accentuate its substance. That concluding dance sequence is awesome, though. I think the short film needed more of that. Well, maybe what didn’t work for me is going to work for everyone else.

Despite its controversial and conservative stance on queerness, All the Men I Met but Never Dated is definitely a must-watch, especially for those whose idea of queer cinema has been shaped by the films centered around White people or people originating from first-world countries. At the very least, stories like that of Ali’s are going to show that the discourse around the expression of one’s queerness doesn’t begin and end with how one community chooses to portray themselves. Queerness exists across various religions, castes, and sects, and until and unless we make space for everyone to learn about each other, we won’t be able to progress as a society. And the only way to make space for everyone is by educating ourselves and re-learning what we think we know about being queer. So, at the cost of sounding repetitive, in addition to watching All the Men I Met but Never Dated, please watch movies like Joyland, Neela Nira Sooriyan, and Kapoor and Sons to get an idea of what the discourse around queerness in South Asian communities is like.


Pramit Chatterjee
Pramit Chatterjee
Pramit has been watching movies since 1993 and writing about them professionally since 2017. He occasionally likes to talk to the people who create magic on the big or small screen. And he hopes to clear his ever-increasing watchlist before he dies.


 

 

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